I wish I was special

We meet lots of special people in WoW.

When the raid leader calls for everyone to switch to a new target the special people don’t have to switch.

They are so special that they are not included in “everyone.”

They are in a league all of their own.

“All ranged DPS switch to infernals!”

Not the special ones.

They get to merrily pewpew their hearts out on one target.

Their DPS is so crucial on some other target it will overcome any bothersome mechanic like portals continually spawning mistresses.

“Hunters take down frost spheres!”

We were graced with the presence of not one, but two special hunters over the weekend. In the same raid, even.

So special that the adds burrowed and we wiped.

Every time.

I’ve never seen an add burrow before on Anub.

“Ranged DPS on Onyxia only, don’t touch the whelps!”

Except the special ones.

Of course your DPS is higher than mine.

You’re special.

“Remove curses!”

Special players don’t have to clutter up their action bars with pesky utility spells.

I imagine their UI has 3 or 4 buttons that do damage and half the screen is taken up by their Recount.

The other half of the screen is probably a chat pane full of conversations about how special they are.

My job would be so much easier if I was special.

I could just stand in one spot and shoot at whatever I felt like.

Wouldn’t even need to be in vent since I wouldn’t need to listen to the raid leader.

I could stand in fire.

I would be special so the healers would have to heal me.

(My recount and chat panes would be filling the screen so I wouldn’t be able to see the fire anyway.)


I’m special, the tank will pull it off me.

Matter of fact, if something comes my way, it’s the tank’s fault anyway.

I’m too special to be bothered with managing my threat.

Bad tank must be bad if special player is special.

Special people also get to leave raids after the first wipe.

They’re too special to waste their time with the unskilled masses.

But before bailing, special people are gracious enough to share their insight about the problem at hand.

Their astute observations are always appreciated by the people that remain.

“u suck”

With those parting words of wisdom, they leave in a flurry of fluffy clouds and rainbows, borne off in a chariot pulled by a team of unicorns.

Special unicorns for special people.

I just want the unicorns. I hear they taste like chicken.

27 comments on “I wish I was special

  1. Paul says:

    Looks like recount is becoming an issue. DPS too busy looking at the numbers and posting them between kills? Even works, posting them while a fight is still in progress… I am there for the exp and hopefully a good drop or two, not for the drama.


  2. Paul says:

    Even worse (can’t spell this morning)…


  3. Slo says:


    this post is full of awesomeness :)


  4. telanarra says:

    But Ari you are special. Your so special you don’t need me to heal you.


  5. Jaedia says:

    I wish I was special, you’re so fucking special, cos I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here, I don’t belong here.

    And now it’s in your heads too :D

    Also, unicorns don’t taste like chicken. They taste more like duck. Don’t know why exactly.


  6. thedoctor says:

    ahhh Ari…

    Its quotes like ” imagine their UI has 3 or 4 buttons that do damage and half the screen is taken up by their Recount.” that make me laugh so hard that I have to come back and read it again sometime during the day.




  7. daemia says:


    Well obviously there isn’t room on the action bar for silly things like Remove Curse. You gotta have a macro hotkeyed to call for heals! And one to call for Heroism too, because the Raid Leader never calls for it at the right time. Plus you have to have a lot of screenspace set aside to display all the chat channels where you’re constantly posting Recount data.


  8. koalabear21 says:

    Mmmmm delicious unicorn. It goes well with the taste of QQ tears. Like a fine wine with a matching cheese.

    Or beer and pizza if you prefer.


  9. chigatana says:

    I think you’re being kind of hard on “special people.” The riders of the short bus are far more considerate than the WOW players of which you speak.


  10. theerivs says:

    Hey quit making fun of the size of my mammoth! He works very hard.


  11. rustbeard says:

    “Their DPS is so crucial on some other target it will overcome any bothersome mechanic like portals continually spawning mistresses.”

    I suspect that Tiger Woods is in desperate search for such a special DPS.

    Post – Priceless.


  12. Darraxus says:

    Gotta love them specials. I have a post about some of the specials I have recently pugged with tommorow.


  13. […] This isn’t Patchwerk December 17, 2009 Posted by Arioch in Musings. Tags: World of Warcraft, WoW trackback This post is sort of a continuation of my special post of specialness. […]


  14. Bymynn says:

    I’ll take this one step further.

    Two weeks ago we were doing 10 man TotC and had wiped a few times on Lord Jaraxxus. For whatever reason there was one resto shaman who was linking the healing meters, very excited about how he was on the top and making comments about how the rest of the healers weren’t pulling their weight.

    Of course he didn’t post the part of recount highlighting his 0 dispells.

    When asked why he wasn’t dispelling he said that he was too busy healing.


    “If you dispell properly you can prevent more damage than you could ever hope to heal.” I attempted to reason with him.

    “F-U scrub you’re just trying to get higher than me on the healing meters.”

    I was going to explain to him in a calm, professional manner my thoughts on healing meters and my opinions on those who misuse them…but I got a quick tell from the raid leader to just let it go.


    • Raven says:

      Sounds like a total jerk but in shammy’s defense, there really isn’t much on Lord Jaraxxus that we can dispel/decurse. We can’t do anything with either of the debuffs. There is that one buff that Jaraxxus gives himself that we can purge. I’m usually in charge of it. I hit the 5 button twice every 30 seconds or something like that (whenever DBM tells me too). Other than that I don’t think there is anything else we can do.


  15. Vordan says:

    Some of us are unfortunte enough to be in a full raid of specials! It makes me cry.


  16. Forreststump says:

    This brought many “special” smiles to my face. Thank you.


  17. gnomeaggedon says:

    When Mages get Decurse and Counter Spell… I will use them…

    But I have been to the trainer and he has nothing for me…

    the only thing on my bars is Arcane Int (rank 1) and Fireball (rank 1)

    They should introduce a spell book into the game…


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