How to…

clean a litterbox with 2 kittens.

(Yeah, it’s another non-WoW post. Bite me.)

First, gather the necessary tools:

  • Litterbox full of deposits (duh)
  • Litter scoop
  • 2 bags
  • iPod
  • Damp washcloth

Now, remove the lid from the box and marvel at how such tiny little adorable creatures can produce so much toxic waste.

(Remember back in high school when your chemistry instructor went off about you can’t gain or lose matter in equations? Consider dropping him a line and calling bullshit. All your missing matter in those equations obviously went to kitten shit and werewolf transformations.)

Removing the lid of the box should act as a siren’s call to the kittens, drawing them out of whatever hidden pocket of space (or the inside of the chaise lounge) they are plotting in and magnetically pull them to the location of the litterbox.

At this point, the kittens shall attempt to enter the litterbox, thus obstructing your attempts to remove their “gifts.”

Drop one of your two bags to act as a diversion. This should pique the curiosity of one kitten which will then tantalize the second kitten to come disrupt her fun.

(Don’t let them get too far away with the bag, however. You will need it later.)

With the scoop, quickly remove as much as possible from the litterbox, using the second bag. You will only have a 4-5 second window.

Sensing that you are being productive, the kittens will stop playing with the bag and enter the litterbox again, this time with intent to use it.

Play some Plants vs Zombies or Angry Birds on the iPod while waiting for both kittens to finish their business.

Apply the damp washcloth to the little kitten that got shit on by her brother.

(There really is room for both in there at the same time, but you have to consider exit trajectories when positioning yourself, a skill the little one has not yet mastered.)

By now both kittens should have exited the box.

Reclaim the decoy bag and place the original poop bag in it as they have by now ripped a hole in that one while wildly flailing about in a futile effort to cover their leavings. Without the lid on the box, anything within a foot and a half range of the box is fair game for scratching.

Reposition the useless liner, smooth out the remaining litter, and replace the lid.

Verify that no one left a surprise under the lid while you were distracted earlier getting a kitten untangled from the handle on the decoy bag.

Tie off the bag and make a mad dash to the door, sneaking out before they can catch up and begin investigations of the wilderness that is the garage.

(You thought the dust bunnies they drag out from under the bed were huge? You don’t even want to see what they can find in a garage.)

Return after depositing the waste in the outdoor receptacle and bask in the glow of a job well done.

Until you turn around and see a telltale tail protruding from the entrance to the litterbox.

How do they do that?

Still 6/7 in Firelands.

Getting the same 10 people every week would help. We’re rotating some tanks around due to scattered attendance issues. Unfortunately, the new tank just came back to the game and is geared for shit. A lot can be made up for with skill and the proper usage of cooldowns, but having a 40+k deficit against the other tank’s health when trying to keep him alive on Alysrazor and he’s just learning the fights isn’t oodles of fun. Warriors just seem a little squishier in general this xpac.

In a funny twist, we are 2-healing Ragnaros. Since none of our normal 3 healers have a particularly strong DPS off spec… I actually get to bring my mage in!

For a brief second I thought maybe Arioch would get to kill Ragnaros before killing any other FL boss, but not quite. We ran a half guild/half pug run and he got kills for Shannox and Beth’tilac.

Then the GM apparently realized that he had screwed up with some loot distribution a while back (there was a weapon and bracers I was supposed to get and didn’t, they got sold or went to the wrong raiders) so he passed a Volcanospike to me and farmed up some VP bracers for me. Way better than the sword cane and dark pool bracers I was n line for ages ago.

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One comment on “How to…

  1. […] Cleaning the litterbox. […]

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