You’re not helping

I have kittens.

I had a glass vase in the dining room filled with potpourri.

Remarkably, I still have the glass vase.

And potpourri all over the floor.

(To be honest, it’s been there for at least a week but I’ve been too busy – read lazy – to take care of it.)

With the exception of not being given a suitable place to scratch, kittens are generally not directly destructive.

Puppies believe that everything and anything is edible, including solid pieces of wood cleverly masquerading as furniture.

Kittens, on the other hand, tend towards indirect or collateral damage.

Not everything is edible to them, but it still bears investigating. After all, one simply cannot make the edible/non-edible decision until one has thoroughly studied the item in question. Anything that turns out to not meet the particulars of the palate can then be classified as a plaything.

It was not out of any ill will that the vase was toppled and its contents strewn about the room; it was merely the result of their inquiry as to the nature of the funny colored little bits of wood and other plant matter.

These kittens have a fondness for brooms and dusters.

Any disaster recovery attempts made in the house are nearly as disastrous as the events requiring the clean up.

A kitten doesn’t seem to weigh much when contentedly purring in your lap, but they are practically an immovable object when clinging to a broom.

Try pushing a furry little elephant around the room in an attempt to sweep up refuse that becomes interesting again as it moves in response to the kitten-laden bristles. And since there are two, it’s a constant game (to them) between one stirring up the dust pile while the other wages war against the broom.

“You’re not helping.”

The little girl has gotten quite adept at jumping up into the fridge.

She still can barely make it on to the bed some days, but directly into the middle of the fridge is no problem.

Turn your back for a second to set down the lunch meat, return to procure the condiments, EEP!

There is a kitteh in the fridge!

“You’re not helping.”

Relaxing in the evenings, laying on the bed with a crossword puzzle.

One kitten stretched across the book, the other determined to rid the world of evil pencil erasers.

(It should be noted that after careful scrutiny by the kittens, every eraser in the house is evil. Pens are apparently in danger of sprouting erasers and also need to be dealt with. Thank goodness I have them to protect me from evil erasers.)

“You’re not helping.”

Cleaning the litterbox.

At 5 in the morning because I planned to take the trash out after the raid but it went rather poorly and I was tired and cranky after the raid and forgot so there I am at 5 AM trying to scoop around two energetic furballs.

It’s entirely immoral to be that awake at 5.

“You’re not helping.”


That line was typed by a kitten.

Rather perfect timing on his part.

“You’re not helping.”

Raiding with a kitten asleep on the wrist rest.


Said kitten rolls over on to the keyboard and manages to hit a keybind to cycle through action bars.

Thankfully, no lives were lost as I frantically found the offending keybind, corrected the problem and promptly unbound that sucker.

“You’re not helping.”

Lounging on the couch, not feeling well.

Kittens snuggled up next to me.

“You’re helping.”

This entry was posted in Random.

5 comments on “You’re not helping

  1. repgrind says:

    Awwwww. Totally need pics of kitteh in the fridge though. That part made me lol for real.


  2. Rustbeard says:

    Like I’ve always said, dogs have owners, cats have staff.

    Dog: Looks at me and realizes there is only one raid leader in the house. Follows the assigned strat, with the occasional screw ups due to wife-aggro.

    Cat: Looks at me and realizes that it can pull the boss with a well-timed misdirect and feign death. Rinse and repeat.

    Solution: /gkick cat


    • Leit says:

      But by approving the comment haven’t you now given that account free reign to post anywhere and everywhere?

      Also, I find the hat and guitar really help establish respect among the rest of the raidgroup. No-one who’s seen Desperado would ever doubt your authority.


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