What the I don’t even?

So, um, yeah, heard your blood elf mage went Worgen. And your priest… female draenei? What happened? I thought you had a thing for the pointy ears?

I do have a thing for the pointy ears.

But unfortunately, as my time spent on the Bizzarro mage showed, male night elf casting animations are horrific. It was bad enough on a warrior when I only had to watch for the hearthstone animation, but to sentence Arioch to a life of perpetually appearing to have the deuce of a lifetime rumbling in his gut was more than I could stomach.

So how did you end up with Worgen?

Let’s break it down.

The Alliance race choices are human, dwarf, night elf, gnome, draenei, and worgen.

Human – Not going to do it. I spend all my time outside the game pretending to be human, why would I want to in the game? The laugh on the human female drives me nuts and her at-rest animations are rather stiff and creepy with her shifty eyes. Human males are just sort of bland and look vaguely like they starred in the tapes found under our parents’ beds.

Dwarf – I don’t particularly have a problem with dwarves as a culture in the game. They’ve got fun little accents. But stubby little legs. I actually have a male dwarf bank alt on another server. I leveled him up a bit to do some farming as part of an experiment to control the entire copper market for a while. I hated his stubby little legs. Female dwarves have some ridiculous things going on with their hair while they cast and I’m not fond of buns.

Night elf – Oh, if only night elf males had decent casting animations. I like their combat animations and their rest animations. But the casting left so much to be desired. The females definitely got the better end of the stick in that department, which is odd looking at kal’dorei culture. The men are more closely associated with magic and the women form the entirety of the militia. So why not make Arioch a female night elf? Because that would just be wrong, that’s why. Arioch has a well-defined personality as an incorrigible womanizer. It would have been a cruel twist of fate to put him in a female body. Besides, I already have a female night elf druid on the server that I’m rather enjoying. One jiggly-boobed character is enough.

Gnome – No. Just NO. Not going to happen. I don’t even have the slightest interest in rolling a gnome to see their starting story. (Which I have done for dwarf, goblin, troll, tauren… most of the other races.)

Draenei – I’m not fond of space goat males. When a male tauren lumbers across the screen he has a certain weight to him; you can sense his mass and power in his gait. The game mechanics for the male draenei seem to have been calculated for a character that weighs in at about 105. They practically prance about. It doesn’t strike me as particularly effeminate, just wrong. If you’ve got hooves the size of dinner plates, you should leave a mark on the turf. (Yes, I’m getting twisted up about physics in a game where a tauren can ride a hawkstrider without crushing it. I never said I was consistent in my logic.) Now female draenei on the other hand… they got “dat ass.” One day the devs will sneak a true /waggle emote in to the game. Their voices are probably the least annoying out of all the women in the game, their emotes are amusing, and their casting animations are just fine.

Worgen – Worgen look pretty fierce, both the males and females. The females, however, have this frozen look to their face. From the front, they look fine. But watch the sides of their faces for any length of time and you start to feel like you’re watching a Botox patient that went too far. The voices on the female worgen in human form is wonderful with a nice little accent. And then they spoiled it by retaining the normal human laugh. The voice in their worgen form (which is where I spend all my time on a worgen, see human above for why), is atrocious. I’ve learned very well on my rogue to not spam abilities in an effort to keep her quiet. The casting animations on the males aren’t too bad and actually look like some sort of magical force is being conjured and controlled, not as if they are about to suffer from explosive diarrhea.

So after looking at my options, worgen male was pretty much the only one viable for Arioch. And worgen do have pointy ears!

For Selwyn, my options were a little more open since his personality isn’t as forceful, but I still wanted to avoid any race/gender that had bad casting animations. When I created his Bizzarro twin, the name was already taken so I decided to try a more effeminate spelling and went with the female draenei. I enjoyed the bit of leveling I did on her so it just made sense to replace her when it was time to transfer.

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3 comments on “What the I don’t even?

  1. repgrind says:

    “look vaguely like they starred in the tapes found under our parents’ beds”

    That’s actually one of the reasons most of my Allies are male humans. lol. Throw in a big sexy pornstache and it makes them even better!

    • slice213 says:

      big “creepy” pornstache and it makes them even funnier looking! – corrected your statement for you rep!

      But yeah when I rerolled the mage – it was gnome or dorf. Went with the dorf for something different. Btw stoneform aint a bad racial when running from rageface on heroic! lol

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