Laughing out loud… at myself.
Once upon a time, I played the original StarCraft.
Like, I played it a LOT. On dial up connection. Entire days and weekends lost to scampering zerg decimating supply depots. Swearing at Goliaths for being completely incompetent at navigating a fucking 5 foot ramp. My life for Aiur.
I loved playing StarCraft.
I hated the player versus player aspect.
It didn’t start that way.
Finished with the campaign, I eagerly created my battlenet account and moved in to what I felt was the natural evolution of the game – I crushed the computer, now it’s time to play with the big kids.
Except they weren’t big kids. They were whiny, immature, sexually frustrated tweens with only the weakest grasp of the English language or common decency.
StarCraft killed my taste for PvP. Even in WoW, I’ve dabbled with it but it never really clicked as something I could enjoy for the long haul.
So as you can imagine, any game that focuses entirely on PvP has just slipped completely by my radar. Yep, I acknowledge that the game exists and other people might like it, but it wasn’t my cup of tea.
And then insanity hits.
Tir and I are sitting around, wanting to play a game together but not really wanting to log in to WoW. (Dailies… must do dailies… must resist… MUST VALOR CAP!!!! AAAGGGHHHHH!!)
He suggested that we log on to D3 and start at the beginning of Act 1 Inferno since my barb is getting ready to hit Act 2 but I’m probably a bit rusty. (I haven’t logged since MoP came out and I know they fucked around with my class. I was doing just fine, didn’t need buffs, rawr, I’m being an elitst jerk.)
I wasn’t really thrilled with the idea, I mean, I already have one massive time sink I didn’t need to reopen that can of dungeon crawling worms.
So he suggested League of Legends.
And I laughed at him.
Playing a game that is entirely PvP?
Oh what the hell. I’ll let him load it, I’ll try it, fail spectacularly, get pissed off, and never log in again.
I think he’s learned that if I get dumped directly in to the deep end it’s a recipe for extreme anger so he wisely let me putter about in the tutorials.
The first one has you take Ashe, the ice archer chicky, across the map and learn some abilities. Super easy stuff.
The next tutorial walks you through starting a game, picking your character, and gives you an entire 5v5 game with the AI. You learn about secondary objectives and play through to nexus destruction.
I picked some guy named Garon I think – stereotypical brawny dude in tin can armor and a swishy cape.
It was terrible. The movement is so much more frustrating when there’s all these minions in the way and apparently some abilities can only be used on champions and some only on minions and I kept dying and the game kept yelling at me to stay behind my minions and finally we won but the game crashed at the end because apparently you can’t click a tool tip at the exact second the nexus is destroyed or the game fubars.
I was pissed.
So naturally, I logged right back in and tried it again, same character.
And I did just fine. Didn’t even die once and completed all the secondary objectives.
OK, so I can not make a complete embarrassment of myself in the first 20 seconds of a game.
Tir invites me to a group and we start a game.
But Garon isn’t there. The character the tutorial gave me has to be purchased.
Character selection in LoL is a timed event and there can be no duplicates of the same champion on the same team. I’m watching character options go gray as the rest of the team makes their selections.
Frantically, I choose Ashe. (Insert a really thinly connected Pokemon joke here.) At least I had played her once before for all of 2 levels.
Tir and I head down the bottom lane.
And I get the first kill. And another. And another.
“They’re going to start gunning for you.”
And I’m laughing so hard. They’re going to start coming for me. My first game, I hate PvP, and I’m currently the top of the hit list.
He loses the willpower roll and logs in to WoW to finish up his valor.
I sign up for another game, confident.
And my confidence is shattered again as I’m pounding on the Lock In button and it won’t accept my character selection. Someone had beaten me to Ashe.
I end up with another caster chick, Janna, or something. I manage to get the hang of her and we win again.
So I sign up for another match.
“So should I be worried that everyone on my team has taken Revive?” (Allows you to resurrect immediately instead of waiting for the spawn timer.)
“Well, new players take it a lot.”
“They must plan on dying a lot.”
And die a lot they did.
By the time it was pretty much over and the enemy had launched a major offensive on our nexus, my team had managed to claim 6 kills.
I was responsible for 5 of those kills.
We had managed to die over 20 times.
I was none of those deaths.
I went in expecting to be the world’s absolute worst LoL player, and here I was leading the team in kills and lack of deaths. (And 3 times the number of creep kills compared to the next on my team.)
I laughed again.
The defeat screen isn’t nearly as nice to look at as the victory screen, but I didn’t care.
I was too busy moving on to the store and looking to see what characters I can buy with my influence points…
Tir may have created a monster.