Fuck Turtles

My poor little guild has been through the wringer for our roster and general attendance.

After struggling to get through Council for a few weeks (after the Horridon struggle – speaking of which, why are they STILL nerfing that fight – and even the occasional wipefest on Jin’rokh for no good reason) we have been struggling to field 10 raiders to face down Tortos.

(Flex raid with 8, pretty please?)

And we’ve been poking at Tortos with a long stick for what feels like ages.

For a while now, I’ve been on kicking duty.

And while every wipe certainly hasn’t been due to kicking-related issues, a considerable amount more than I’m comfortable with were.

If I wanted to be aiming something, I would play an FPS.

Those of you following me on Twitter might be aware of my numerous tweets regarding fornication and turtles. And not in a nice way. (And if you’re not following me on Twitter, you’re missing out on a stream of turtle-laden profanity on raid nights. What are you waiting for, sign up now!)

Finally convinced the hunter to try last night.

We had a few hiccups but that switch allowed my damage to nearly double and we no longer had turtles flying around the room out of control.

And then, we lost a healer in the middle of the raid.

Not a PUG healer, mind you, a guilded healer just walked away and dropped guild.

(Granted he was doing half what our other healers were doing, literally, so it wasn’t that much of a loss.)

But it left us looking for a healer in the middle of the raid night.

And then the main tank’s internet cuts out.

After an hour of searching, we find a replacement healer and bring in a VERY squishy monk tank from the guild.

Pro Tip – do NOT put the squishy tank on the bats. You will all die. A lot.

Even with the squishy tank on Tortos, we weren’t making much progress.

Something took pity on us and the tank’s internet came back up.

We pulled.

And wiped.

And wiped some more.

But we were making progress.

Consistent sub-40%.

Then 30%.

Lust was getting pushed back further and further. On pull. After first kick. Second set of bats.

And then…

I look at the boss’ health.

Under 25%.

Um, did we want to lust this up?

Resounding “FUCK YEAH” in vent.

I could feel everyone in the raid hunkering down, leaning over their keyboards, furiously pounding keys and clicking mouse buttons.

The bastard finally went down.

FUCK TURTLES